by Kimberly Smiley, Psy.D
Premarital coaching isn’t just about preventing divorce—although yes, it can definitely help with that. More than anything, it’s about helping couples get ready for real life together. It’s a chance to build a strong foundation before you’re faced with the tough stuff, so you’re not trying to figure things out mid-crisis.
We talk about the things that really matter—how you communicate, how you handle confl ict, how you support each other through change—and we do it in a way that feels structured, safe, and even empowering.
In fact, research shows that couples who go through premarital counseling are 30% more likely to stay married and often report greater satisfaction in their relationship. I’ve seen this play out with the couples I work with, especially those who go through the Prepare-Enrich program. It’s one of my favorite tools because it’s based on solid research, and it’s incredibly effective in helping couples improve communication, strengthen conflict resolution skills, and feel more connected overall.
When I work with engaged couples, we walk through common relationship stressors and talk through them together—before they become roadblocks. Let’s take a look at a few of those challenges, and how premarital coaching helps you tackle them with confidence.
Communication Struggles
Have you ever felt like your partner doesn’t really hear you? Or maybe small disagreements somehow turn into full-blown arguments? You’re not alone—miscommunication is one of the most common sources of tension in relationships. We all want to feel understood, but when we get defensive or assume the worst, it’s easy to miss each other completely.
Here’s how coaching can help: In premarital sessions, couples learn simple, effective tools to make communication smoother—like clarifying questions or the “soft start-up,” which is a gentle way to raise tough topics. These techniques help you bring things up without putting your partner on the defensive. For example, instead of saying, “You never help me with anything around the house,” you might say, “I’d really appreciate more help with the dishes after dinner—it would mean a lot to me.” See the difference?
Unspoken Expectations
Have you ever assumed your partner would just know what you need—only to feel disappointed when they didn’t? Most couples have. The truth is, unspoken expectations can silently build up and lead to resentment, especially when you haven’t had a chance to talk about your assumptions around roles, responsibilities, or future plans.
Here’s how coaching can help: One of the best parts of premarital coaching is bringing those expectations out into the open. I once worked with a couple who hadn’t talked about how they’d handle holidays with extended family. Once they started the conversation, they realized they had completely different
expectations—but they were able to come up with a plan that felt fair and respectful to both of them.
Avoiding Conflict
Do you tend to shut down or walk away during disagreements just to keep the peace? It might feel easier in the moment, but unresolved issues often resurface—and when they do, they usually come back with more emotion and frustration.
Here’s how coaching can help: Premarital coaching teaches couples how to deal with conflict in healthy, productive ways. One couple I worked with had a dynamic where the male partner always left the room during arguments. While his intention was to avoid a blow-up, his partner felt abandoned and hurt. We worked together on using structured “time-outs,” where he could step away with the commitment to return—something like, “I need a few minutes to clear my head, but I’ll come back so we can talk through this.” That small shift made a big difference in how supported his partner felt.
Different Upbringings, Different Expectations
Do you and your partner ever clash over how things should be done—especially around the house, with money, or family traditions? It’s totally normal. We all bring our own upbringing, habits, and beliefs into a relationship. But when those don’t line up, it can lead to confusion or frustration.
Here’s how coaching can help: Premarital coaching gives couples a chance to unpack those differences in a nonjudgmental way. I worked with a couple who had completely different views on household chores. She believed her fiancé should just notice when something needed to be done. He had grown up in a home where chores were always assigned. Once they talked it through, they realized neither was wrong—they just had different starting points. Together, we built a system that worked for both of them, turning tension into teamwork.
The Bigger Picture
These are just a few of the common challenges couples face—but they’re also some of the most fixable. The great news? When you tackle these topics before they become patterns, you build trust, reduce stress, and start your marriage on solid ground.
Premarital coaching is about more than solving problems. It’s about creating clarity, connection, and confidence as you begin this new chapter together. It’s your chance to align your values, strengthen your communication, and build a relationship that’s rooted in mutual respect and shared vision.
After premarital coaching, couples often report:
- Better communication.
- Feeling more aligned on financial goals, as well as other goals.
- Increased emotional intimacy and connection.
- Greater confidence in handling conflict.
- A stronger sense of teamwork and trust.
The Ultimate Benefi t: The skills you learn in premarital coaching—effective communication, confl ict resolution, shared fi nancial planning, and more—don’t just prepare you for marriage. They prepare you for a lifetime of growth and partnership, creating a bond that can withstand life’s inevitable ups and downs.