What does it sound like in your head? Where did this voice come from? Is this how you want to speak to yourself forever?

Sometimes the negative self-talk emerges from early trauma: bad things were done to your body at a young age, and you decided your BODY must be the problem (which is how children think…it must be ME). So you have gone through your life blaming things on your body that are not your body’s fault. Perhaps people have said cruel things to you about your body. Perhaps one of your parents felt bad about their body and modeled that negative attitude for you.

More often than not, poor body image is simply the result of living in a society with unrealistic ideals of beauty, where multi-billion dollar industries profit from making us feel bad about ourselves: from diet products to exercise products to anti-aging products. With social media and constant comparisons, it is tough to simply feel good about our very imperfect and flawed and real human bodies.

The truth is that poor body image is an ineffective motivator for long term health. The first step in addressing body image is “body neutrality;” in other words, a simple acceptance of where you're at today.

Once you start to realize where your negative body image came from and how harsh you have been towards your body, and you understand that this negative approach will be ineffective in helping you achieve your goal of peace and acceptance, you can begin to start consciously changing the ways that you speak to yourself.

No more Negative Body Talk. Start catching yourself when you speak negatively about your body out loud. No more “Ugh, I feel disgusting.” “These pants make my butt look huge.”

The next step is addressing the negative body talk that only YOU can hear. The new paradigm involves oodles of self-compassion around your body.

Start to address your body like you would an old friend.

I try to help my clients shift away from using physical activity for weight loss. When researchers query folks at gyms and fitness centers about why they are there, the vast majority are trying to lose weight. In this scenario, exercise becomes punishment for the sin of being fat.

This may work in the short run, but it is not sustainable. Remember, we are trying to fix this for life.

My hope is that you will start to view physical activity as a gift you give yourself because you love yourself, not as punishment because you hate your body.

Set activity goals that are focused on improved cardiovascular health, overall fitness, strength, stamina, flexibility, longevity, pain reduction and mostly stress reduction. And please do something you enjoy! This may seem obvious, but it’s actually not. I hear so many folks say: “I hate running…” but they do it for the calorie burn. Eventually they develop “Exercise Resistance” where it is agonizingly difficult to get off the couch. Tennis, a walk, stretching, rock climbing, dancing in your kitchen…physical activity should be something–anything– that you enjoy. The point is not to burn calories or make yourself smaller. 10,000 steps is arbitrary and can become obsessive, just like counting points, calories or the number on the scale.

The best and most sustainable motivator for exercise is the immediate mental health benefits of movement. Research shows that life-long exercisers, the ones who consistently stay physically active throughout their lives, do it because they know they will feel better, physically and emotionally, after they do it, plain and simple.

Then shift your focus to What can I control? You cannot control weight! But you can control attending two yoga classes and going on two walks a week. But life often gets in the way of exercise, so be flexible and forgiving about this fact.

The goal is to separate Emotions from Food, just like we separated Body Image from Food. Do you consider yourself an emotional eater? What are the emotions that lead you to eat? Stress, boredom, sadness, loneliness…? For many folks, this feels completely beyond their control. But it is possible to observe what’s going on with yourself when you feel like eating but you’re Not Actually Hungry.
Slow down, take a breath, and check in with your belly.
If you’re not hungry, what else might you be feeling?
Now your task is to think of three things you can do when you feel those emotions (other than eat) that might actually address the need:

At first it will look like this:

“I am bored. I am aware that I could do X, Y or Z, but I am choosing to eat a sleeve of thin mint girl scout cookies instead.”

This is fine! It is so much better than unconsciously and compulsively eating, watching yourself from above and feeling like you are not in control at all! You are starting the process of change and there are predictable steps.

Step One: Becoming aware and contemplating change.

Step Two: Rehearsing and imagining new strategies.

Step Three: Making the change.

Step Four: Regressing to old familiar behaviors.

When you regress, if you can explore what happened with an attitude of curiosity instead of shame, you can discover which thoughts or experiences tripped you up. You’ll be better prepared next time! Over time and with much repetition, the new behaviors will become your new normal.

In changing these habits, you are re-wiring your brain without a scalpel.

This is about listening to and honoring your Hunger and Fullness signals. These signals are very subtle and you may have ignored them for a long time. When you diet, you ignore your hunger signals. When you overeat, you ignore your fullness signals.
For millennia, human beings have relied upon those subtle signals and there were few eating problems.
Just like it takes time to change self-talk, tuning into and understanding and honoring your hunger and fullness signals can take a while. The longer you’ve been out of touch, the longer it will take to get things back in alignment. Sometimes it even helps to work with a dietitian at this point, but NOT to go on a diet! The dietitian can provide you with a general food plan and suggested times to eat so you can get your gastrointestinal system functioning appropriately again.
Hunger/satiety signals can also be influenced by a number of variables. It’s helpful to take these into consideration:

(Are you surprised that this is the 7th out of 8 steps? Look what we had to go through to finally get here! Diets skip all the key steps and start by telling you what to eat and not to eat, which is another reason why they don’t work.) Now that you’re no longer using negative body image to fuel dieting, tuning into and addressing your emotions, and honoring your hunger and satiety signals, you can start to notice how the food you consume impacts you. You can notice how they impact your hunger and fullness signals, your cravings, your mood, your digestion and gut issues and your energy level.

This is subtle stuff. You may notice that certain foods feel more “addictive.” Highly processed foods may give you a quick energy burst followed by hunger, cravings and an energy crash. Certain foods may make you feel sluggish and sleepy while others give you great long-lasting energy. Some foods actually perk up your brain! You can notice when you need more protein, when you crave a salad or you yearn for the juiciness and sweetness of fruit. You may discover you are actually thirsty and not hungry.

My clients get so excited when they enter this stage after having been so out of touch with their bodies. They are thrilled to realize they crave an apple or some strawberries! They realize they didn’t even want the ice cream; or they start eating it and discover it wasn’t that good so they stop~ something they never imagined was possible.

Once you’ve learned to listen to and trust your body, you no longer have a love-hate relationship with food: it’s pure love. When my husband and I go out to dinner, we order the most delicious things and share it all. We ask them to bring out one dish at a time, savor each bite and talk about it. We rarely get dessert because we are so satisfied, but when we do, we eat it slowly and close our eyes, making it last as long as possible! We leave feeling deeply satisfied but not stuffed.

It is a beautiful thing when you finally get here!